The very loud machine gun noises and screaming-in-German that you hear coming from my apartment are from Call of Duty 2, a World War II video game for the Xbox 360.

I finished the game a few days ago, but Dave was over today playing it. And it is one loud-ass game. It’s like having Stalingrad in your living room, with Germans screaming, bullets whizzing, and grenades exploding.

And let me tell you, trying to work on your computer while all this is going on is kind of distracting.

One thing that Call of Duty 2 has taught me is that being in the middle of a war really, really sucks.

The gameplay is such that when you get shot by the enemy, you can duck behind a wall and your health automatically regenerates in a couple of seconds.

I doubt that happens in real life. Otherwise the headlines from Iraq would read, “AMERICAN SOLDIER KILLED — COULD NOT LOCATE ADEQUATE DUCKING WALL”

I saw this 60 Minutes interview with a few soldiers in Iraq, and one of them (fairly ironically) described it as a “videogame” — 95% of which consists of waiting around being bored, and the other 5% of which consists of running around, shooting, and being terrified.

And then there’s the strange phenomenon of the U.S. Army using videogames as a recruitment tool.

I’m sure you’ve heard of this already — on America’s Army.com you can download a U.S. Military-sanctioned videogame (for free!) which puts you in boots on the ground.

It’s the perfect marketing tool for kids who grew up shooting people on their TV screen.

Keep in mind that I am not against the military or videogames or even warfare.

I have a great deal of respect for those who serve our country and those who die for it. I also have great respect for all the time that goes into putting together an awesome videogame.

And like I said, I have great respect for warfare, because as horrific as it is (and it truly is the human race at its worst), sometimes it becomes necessary.

And this is why I’m so fascinated by World War II — it was the last time we knew that the bad guys were bad guys. We knew where they were, who their leaders were, and what it took to end the war.

And this is why Call of Duty 2 for the Xbox 360 kicks ass — because getting into a quagmire is impossible. The war ends when you turn off the console.

ALSO — certain friends of ours have been asking how to subscribe to this site and have posts delivered to their email.

I added a widget to the site to handle this. All you’ve got to do is click on the little red “Subscribe by Email” button at the bottom of the page:

…And you’re all set.

I promise to never sell, share, trade, or otherwise utilize your email address for evil purposes.

HOWEVER, I reserve the right to play Army Men with your email address in the mud:

And eventually trade your email address for pogs: