Outta Diet Coke
(Courtesy of Cute Overload)
I reached into my fridge this morning and found zero diet cokes waiting for me.
“WHAT?! Where are my diet cokes??”
Seeing that there are less than three diet cokes in my fridge always immediately sends me to Ralph’s for more. I can’t believe that I allowed this situation to manifest itself.
“Do you have a roommate?” a friend asked.
“Nope.”
“Do you have pets?”
“Nope. Poltergeists maybe.”
Unless those elves that cobble shoes while I sleep decided to raid my fridge. They drink my soda and teach me about capitalism.
I was sitting in my car this morning driving to West Hollywood when I realized that I really love driving my car. I got this giddy feeling even while I was sitting in traffic with the air conditioning on. It was pretty strange.
I love my car. I love its shape, like a giant robot egg. Maybe it’s because I don’t drive very much, but I really love driving it.
Thanks to Kim, I know that the local DSW is open. I went inside and saw six pairs of running shoes I wanted to get. So I immediately left.
But I seriously need new running shoes. They say you should replace your shoes every 250 miles, although I think that number was made up by the industry. My current ones are beginning to lose their treads.
I think two pretty valuable lessons struck home today: One, I am not alone. And two, others have walked this path before and sincerely want to help show us the way.
These are really good things to know.
I Don’t Feel Sick Anymore
Awesome news: Randall, Matt, Ray and Co.’s video, Dr. Miracles was voted #1 by the Channel 102 audience!!!
Fantastic work you guys!
Nothing Too Sacred
I am currently in favor of the contemporary view of Jesus as your personal success coach and buddy. Like in the figurine above in which He’s taking the lateral while a little boy tries to wrestle Him to the turf.
If you make something or someone too sacred, they become this distant glowing figure on a mountain — unreachable and unattainable. In some ways creating that distance is a form of self-defense. It says that this thing is a dream and so it should stay a dream. Never touch, and never ask too much.
I used to think of writing as a sacred act. There was something glowing, magical and otherworldly about it. I had to be in a “state” to do it. But when it stopped being sacred and became a craft, the whole process suddenly became human. It was still magical and still surprising, but it was something that was in my grasp. It was present in my day to day life instead of being like an old bearded fellow on a cloud.
I like Boba Loca in Westwood a lot for very specific reasons. One is that it’s small and lively; two is that it’s usually cool inside. Three is that I think it’s a Mom-And-Pop place run by a family man with a wife and small child. I have deduced this by carefully examining the photographs on the wall.
So a lot of nights this summer, this is where I’ll be.
One last thing — I really want to start a book club. I need help though because my last attempt to start a club (an eating club) failed pretty badly. Even though I designed a logo and everything.
We could meet every week and talk about the book that we’re reading. Sometimes the book of the week could be a graphic novel. Sometimes it could be God of War on the Playstation 2.
Sometimes when we meet we could cosplay literary figures. I have an eyepatch so I could cosplay James Joyce. And in my book, Tifa Lockheart counts as a literary figure.
My thinking is that most of my friends enjoy reading the same books — anecdotal non-fiction like Blink, fun fiction like The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and The Giver, and pornography like Hustler and Barely Legal. So why not get together and talk about them? And also get wasted?
Taquitos taste good.
1970s Space Station Bookmarks
Do you think that if Bipedal Dog and Skateboarding Dog met they’d be friends?
I can’t figure out which of them is more incredible. It’s like a personality test question: Do you think it’s more incredible for someone to learn a remarkable skill (Skateboarding Dog) or to completely overcome the handicap they were born with (Bipedal Dog)?
I think they should have puppies. The puppies would probably have wings and telekenisis.
Lazy Sunday Craft Project: Make Your Own Bookmarks!
I need bookmarks because I read a lot. Up until now I was dog-earring pages because I have no respect for literature — or anything else, for that matter. Sometimes I would even spit directly into the book to mark my page.
But no more! I have pledged to stop destroying my books and have now switched to using bookmarks. To this end I have come up with a pretty neat method of creating my own bookmarks using whatever source artwork I desire:
- First, I use Photoshop to lay out full-color source artwork nabbed from the web onto a 150 dpi 8″x10.5″ (so it’ll print) page.
- Next I print on my trusty inkjet.
- Finally, I use adhesive laminate sheets to laminate both sides of the page, then chop out the ‘marks with my paper slicer.
The result are kickass bookmarks, if such an adjective can be applied to such a noun.
But the bookmarks are only as kickass as the art that you use. So here are some great sources for kickass art:
- …By Its Cover — A site in the U.K. brimming with lurid pulp fiction book covers. My favorites are “BEAUTY CONTEST NURSE” and “LUST FARM”.
- NASA Space Colony Artwork from the 1970s — The name says it all. Lovely painted pics of space stations and people floating around in butterfly collars.
- Stefan Landsberger’s Chinese Propaganda Poster Pages — One of my favorite websites. So many excellent, excellent pieces of artwork here.
Just beware of copyright violations, although they’re probably not going to come after you for printing something out for yourself to keep your place in “The Da Vinci Code”.
La La La
Wordplay: I saw this documentary about crossword puzzles with Kim and I highly, highly recommend it. It’s really entertaining, deep, and very funny. Probably one of the best movies I’ve seen this year.
It’s the ultimate nerd/beardo movie. There’s a woman who was Crossword Tournament Champion who twirls a baton and uses a broken umbrella in the rain. They cover the people who make the puzzles, edit them, and enjoy them — including interviews with Bill Clintpwn and Jon Stewart. And the entire thing culminates with this year’s New York City Crossword Tournament with some startling twists and turns. Very fun.
One last thing I want to mention is the soundtrack features a really fantastic cover of the Talking Heads’ “This Must Be the Place” by Shawn Colvin. I’ve heard this song hundreds of times but I’ve never heard it like this.
Deep fried waffles: Do they exist, or are they only in my dreams?
Attention New Yorkers: Our good friend Randall has an important announcement which I now relay to you:
Dear Friends,
If any of you are in New York or know anyone in New York, PLEASE consider this invitation to attend the next Channel 102 screening this MONDAY, JUNE 26, 8PM SHARP! Our short “Dr. Miracles” has been accepted as a finalist to get into one of 102′s five coveted primetime slots! The audience at the screening will be voting to see which shows make it in.. We would love to have your support (or the support of someone you love)! (See http:// www.channel102.net/ for more details!)
MONDAY, JUNE 26th, 8PM
CHANNEL 102 Screening
Anthology Film Archives
32 Second Avenue (at 2nd St)
New York, NYThese screenings always sell out so try to get there early! & PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE WORD!!
with love,
Randall
So go to the show and vote!! Gracias!
Buddies
“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies.
“Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.
“The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union…
“When again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.” — Abraham Lincoln.
Blankets / Tostitos / Weapon of Choice
Yumi lent me Blankets by Craig Thompson. It’s pretty much completely autobiographical. On one hand it’s a love story; on the other hand it’s about a young man coming to grips with spirituality and then leaving it behind.
“I read Blankets and it has made me very sad,” I said to Jeanie in an email.
“Don’t worry,” she replied, “Craig Thompson now gets all the comic book girl ass that he wants. ALL. THAT. HE. WANTS.”
I hope so, Craig Thompson. I hope so.
Being a visual fellow, I like to break down corporate and product logos and examine their meanings. The arrow in the FedEx logo for instance. The AT&T Death Star.
So here’s the Tostitos logo from this jar of salsa I have in my fridge:
CEO of Frito Lay: “We want to evoke an image of festivity and good cheer! So let us have a logo with a large bowl of blood and two creepy humanoids dipping tortillas into it!”
Yes, that makes sense. Also the scene of tortilla-dipping spells out the word “TIT”. Maybe this is designed to evoke a sense of maternalism, like how McDonald’s golden arches are supposed to resemble a pair of huge, nourishing breasts.
Delicious.
Research question for everyone: What is your current drug of choice?
My current drugs of choice are Diet Coke and Jesus. And also Flickr.
UPDATE: BIPEDAL DOG! BIPEDAL DOG! BIPEDAL DOG! BIPEDAL DOG! BIPEDAL DOG! *cough-cough* [Catches breath] BIPEDAL DOG! BIPEDAL DOG!
My Work in Print
Year Zero
Available from Samuel French and Amazon.com
Cowboy Versus Samurai
Available from Samuel French and Amazon.comFor a complete list of books containing my work, please click here.
