Last Weekend of Cowboy in Seattle

November 15th, 2006General2 comments

“[Cowboy Vs. Samurai] is a hilarious commentary on racial stereotypes under the umbrella of a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac love story.”

Yes yes, it is the play’s last weekend in lovely Seattle. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s your last chance before it flies away. Meanwhile, I added all the Seattle reviews to the Page O’ Reviews here.

More Cowboy Versus Samurai-related announcements next week!

Recommended: A Confederacy of Dunces

“When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.” — Jonathan Swift

I’m about a third into this book and I’m hooked. The author, John Kennedy Toole, tragically took his own life before the book was published; his mother found the handwritten manuscript in his belongings and got novelist Walker Percy to read it. Percy liked it so much he managed to get it published, and Toole won the Pulitzer Prize post-humously.

So what do we have here in Confederacy of Dunces? At the core we have a haplessly funny chubby dufus, a man-child who lives with his mother and is suddenly forced into the world to find a job. They say that a person’s humor is a comical trait that they themselves are unaware of but everyone else can see. Ignatius Reilly’s humor is that he is an overeducated idiot, the precise person Woody Allen was talking about in Annie Hall: “They prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what’s going on.”

I’m still working through this book (though my speed is accelerating since I’m liking it more and more), but I will say this about its contents: Picaresque to the max, and I don’t use that fruity term lightly; and greasy moustaches are twirled as beardo-esque things are often said. Burma Jones is the perfect Chris Tucker role in case of a film adaptation (and apparently it is being attempted), although Mos Def would definitely be a thinking man’s Jones in a pinch. Lots of N’awlins/Nola goodness; police buffonery; stool-fu.

The more I read this, the more I wonder why I didn’t pick it up sooner. I wonder what else I’m missing out on out there.

In Addition: New LCC Show!

Gilgamesh

November 13th, 2006General2 comments

I helped our good friend Dave this weekend with some auditions he’s holding for a neat short film he’s putting together. The actresses were coming in at fifteen minute intervals — and since the part is for an assassin / hit-woman, everyone wore heels. So you could easily hear them click-click-clicking in from far away.

Thinking about it, if you wanted to really nail this audition you would immediately and silently appear in the audition room with a knife at the Producer’s throat — you’d do the sides, then disappear in a whirl of black rose petals leaving only your headshot and resume behind. But no one did that.

I think the key to helping run an audition is to check people in quickly and stay as quiet as possible. Actors need time to look over their sides and mentally prepare. It is a bad time to hold an armpit-fart-noise contest or to loudly smack your lips while you eat a thigh-sized burrito.

And if your job is to also collect actors’ headshots/resumes, you should do so quickly and put it away as soon as possible. Don’t gape at it with a slack jaw and loudly remark on how purty the picture is.

I try to run a professional, respectable house. I don’t want to look like I’m judging anybody because I know how it feels to be judged. It stinks. Plus these people are there to go in and kick ass in under fifteen minutes — that by itself is a difficult proposition. So I’m like a librarian in there, checking in books, waving hello and goodbye.

Quietly eating a Snickers bar.

As you can see, I added a Tags system to my WordPress installation. This is part of an ongoing renovation and home improvement of this site. I will also be adding a pay-only porn section too. People have been asking for it, so I’m doing it!

I got a lot of work done this weekend so I rewarded myself with a delicious, delicious reward:

Recommended: Gears of War

Gears of War.

Remember that kid in middle school who would draw pictures of really buffed dudes in his Trapper Keeper? Buffed dudes with anatomically impossible muscles-on-muscles, the anarchy symbol in the background as they wielded chainsaws and giant swords?

Gears of War is like a video game designed by that kid. It has assault rifles with mini chainsaws mounted on the front, giant explosions, man-eating high-speed flying blade-bird thingies, Eddie-From-Iron Maiden-like monster enemy dudes, and the main characters are ‘Roid giants with heads smaller than their biceps.

This game is a testosterone explosion. And it is good, so very, very good. As I play it my voice lowers an octave and my pubic hair thickens.

Because of this game I have been able to grow a beard.

Anyway, anyway… Remember when in the first Tomb Raider you were walking ahead into the darkness and the T-Rex came roaring out of nowhere and it was huge and you were freaked out? I haven’t had a moment in video gaming like that until Gears of War. There’s a Peter Jackson Troll-like creature called the Berzerker, and you get a most profound spine-tingling OH SHIT moment whenever it charges at you. The game has perfectly combined visuals, multi-channel sound, and controller rumble to create an exquisite atmosphere of dread. It’s enough to make you pull out Metallica’s Master of Puppets and bang your head.

This game is fun. Fun, fun, fun. It’s a great 180 activity from too much thinking, which is what every thinking person needs.

The Funny: Bogleech’s Censored Hentai Anime (WARNING: Possibly NSFW but too good not to share)

Picture this: A really funny guy really likes awesome monsters. He sees that sick hentai anime is full of awesome monsters, but like a sane person, realizes that the disgusting sexual things that they do are gross. What does he do?

He covers the naked anime characters with “wholesome family imagery” so you can enjoy the awesome monsters in peace. Example:

Hooray for Dancing Banana!

More here — very, very slim chance of NSFWness, so be careful. My favorite: Big Hot Dog.

Low Blood Sugar Evening

November 9th, 2006General6 comments

I went to a small house party the other night in the Hollywood hills; without Kim navigating the twisty little roads, I would still be up there in my car.

On the way up I had one ear glued to election coverage on the car radio. Beyond that excitement there was the news that this party was being catered by Betty from Top Chef. So of course I decided to skip dinner and rush over there as quickly as possible.

After forty five minutes in traffic (and two hours past my usual dinner time), I was literally shaking by the time we got there. I have a very low tolerance for hunger. If I don’t eat on time I get jittery, tired, and eventually very sad. Puppy in the rain sad.

So as soon as we parked the car, I parked myself in front of the food and did not relent.

I love artichokes. Also food on sticks, and cheese. Cheese is so good.

Tribeca All Access 2007 / Is Nice, I Like

November 6th, 2006General2 comments

I Heart NY: Tribeca All Access 2007 Submissions are Open

Submissions are now open for this pretty fantastic program that takes place during the Tribeca Film Festival — I was selected as a participant last year and I highly recommend it! They really take care of you and it’s an excellent opportunity. Plus it’s run by really great people.

The program is looking for narrative projects (with director/producer attached), screenwriter-only projects (no director/producer yet attached), and documentary film projects. There’s an info session this week in L.A. and one next week in New York — check the link below.

I got a lot of mileage out of this program myself, so I recommend you submit your project and encourage your friends to send in theirs. Just being part of the festival is pretty exciting by itself, and the contacts you get out being there are pretty extraordinary.

Information follows…

Is Nice, I Like: Borat

Yes, I saw it. The showing we saw was sold out, which explains why a movie that’s released on only 800 screens can make more money than the #2 movie out on wide release.

As much as I enjoyed the movie, it did not meet my expectations. But considering my expectation was that I would die of laughter last night, I suppose this is a good thing. I dodged a bullet.

I very much liked this movie. I’m also glad I got to sit next to Hieu during the movie, since he was the first person to turn me on to Ali G. I can still remember the night he called: “Dude, you gotta watch this thing on HBO — Ali G — you will love it!”

Sure enough, I watch it and afterwards I wonder why I always skipped past it thinking it was some weird hip hop thing. I was a fool, a gooddamned fool!

I also remember telling Hieu, “If this guy isn’t a multi-millionaire because of his incredible skills, this is a cruel and unfair world.” Big ups to the man from Staines for becoming such a huge success!

My only complaint about the movie was that I got a little sick during the wrestling scene. For a very brief moment I could have sworn I caught a whiff of hirsute anus.

But it went away after I covered my eyes.

Seattle Reviews / La Brea RAAARR Pits / Bully

November 2nd, 2006General2 comments

Reviews for Cowboy Versus Samurai in Seattle:

The International Examiner: “‘Cowboy Versus Samurai’ is a blast… A hilarious and lighthearted look at interracial dating and the forging of personal identity.”

The Seattle Times: “Comedy hits Cyrano right on the nose.”

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer: “As played by Jose Abaoag, Chester is sometimes ludicrous and sometimes touching and always desperate… As Travis, Ray Tagavilla is a fascinating mix of pride and humility, goodwill and fear… Director Miko Premo’s staging is engaging and entertaining… The cowboys are gone, the samurai are gone. Their places have been taken by globalized existential angst.”

There was a fellow playing the banjo at the La Brea Tar Pits. He was singing “Jimmy Crack Corn”, a song I had only previously heard sung by Bugs Bunny.

I forgot how cool the tar pits are. The tar still bubbles up from beneath. A statue of a baby mammoth reaches out for its tar-stuck parent (also a statue). This scene is probably even sadder when it rains. There’s a cool museum store where you can buy insect-embedded lollipops and wooly mammoth stuff.

I also forgot to mention the Japanese Art Pavillion at LACMA and its astounding collection of netsuke.

Octo Netsuke.

Netsuke are apparently shaped weights that connect via rope to a box. Kimono don’t have pockets, so ladies would carry their keys, cosmetics, bullets, etc.. in little boxes. The boxes hang via rope from the netsuke, and the rope is fitted snug under the kimono’s sash.

The netsuke is often a small sculpture that matches the box it is attached to. These come in all shapes and sizes, and the LACMA collection is astonishingly varied. You could spend quite a while gazing at all the little sculptures and wondering which ladies they belonged to centuries ago.

The lady who wore the Rabbit and Monkey netsuke probably had a fun personality. You could take her to play skeeball. She might cheat by stuffing the center and win the two of you mad tickets.

Stay away from any lady that wears a Snake netsuke.

Hiss! So what kinda car you drive?

Recommended: Bully

Bully.

Bully for the PS2 is much maligned by irate parents, irrational politicians, and attention-whoring lawyers — none of whom have actually played it. Quite a confederacy of dunces has arisen against this game.

What it is: Wedgies. Firecrackers in toilets. Sloppy kisses with bespectacled nerd girls. Indian burns. Betting on Little Person Wrestling. Slingshots with sniper scopes. Stepping on the toes of authority. And delivering beatings to people who severely need them. If a beating is the cure, you’re penicillin. Bully is about a punk with a heart of gold.

Final Analysis: If you don’t enjoy this game, you may already be dead inside. The little piece of paper that your soul is written on is probably crumbly, smelly dust, and your cobwebby heart creaks instead of beats.

You sir, are dead to me.

Also: One of the best parts of Bully is its soundtrack created by Shawn Lee. It’s a slam dunk — high-energy, eclectic and fun, and it stands on the giant shoulders of punk and Danny Elfman.

I’m seriously thinking about buying this soundtrack, which makes me want to give myself a wedgie since only nerds buy videogame soundtracks. But then SO BE IT!