Ballad of the Frozen Burritos

November 5th, 2007Blog0 comments

I have mentioned these frozen burritos before and I will probably mention them again later.

What makes them so great is that they’re smaller than your average burrito. Roughly the size of half a rolled up 8.5×11 page. So when you eat one you feel obliged to eat another to keep the first one company.

Anyway, there was a problem with the burritos. Burritos, like the burros that they are named after, are slow travelers through the human digestive system. Just like a burro, they meander through the GI tract like they’re on a leisurely stroll to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And once there, they, well, just sorta want to stay there.

On this project I was using these burritos as my carrot. I would eat a couple every night after turning in my pages. Then I would go to bed, dreams made extra crazy because the part of my brain that normally keeps its foot on the wacky valve was busy overseeing burrito digestion.

So I had two ten-packs of burritos when I started this adventure. Tonight, after making a power move and knocking out the last few pages, I had only two burritos left.

My friends, these were the most delicious of them all. Nothing tastes better than a burrito with a side of accomplishment.

And now it is also safe to say that I’m fiercely sick of these things. “Just in time” is the operative phrase, in every way imaginable.

Rule of Threes

November 3rd, 2007Blog0 comments

Comedy rule of threes: Only do the same thing, or a variant of one thing, three times max. Any more than that and you’re trying the audience’s patience.

Another rule of threes: In Galapagos by Vonnegut, when Ikebana is discussed, it is said that if there are going to be three elements in an arrangement, they can’t be three completely different things. Two of them have to match in some way as a pair. This offsets the third element — either makes it stands out, or creates some kind of harmonious statement.

Applying this Ikebana rule of threes to dramatic writing: It is the floral arrangement equivalent of a love triangle. Three distinct people by themselves have no clear conflict — however, when two of them are in a relationship together, there is immediate conflict. Because of exclusion (or secret inclusion), you suddenly have something.

Very interesting to think that this was all worked out simultaneously in the art form of flower arranging.

The Brink

November 2nd, 2007Blog0 comments

Insert Foot: Wired has collected the 15 Dumbest Apple Predictions of All Time. A classic is Michael Dell’s.

The lesson to learn here is that unless you’re an analyst and it’s your job to put out predictions, you don’t have to talk about the competition in order to kick their asses. FOCUS ON YOUR CORE BUSINESS, whatever it may be. Be silent, be great, and when you make mistakes, there won’t be any tape of you doing any embarrassing boasting.

A good friend of ours let me know that Legally Blonde: The Musical is running on MTV this weekend. This is what I will be watching this weekend, along with Michael Clayton. My mind will be stretched between these polar opposites of the entertainment universe. My consciousness will be catapulted into the cosmos by the incredible forces generated, and I will exist everywhere simultaneously.

One of the things I try to do (and it’s not always easy) is to keep an open mind about things. Watch things that I normally would never, ever, in a million years watch. Stuff on the Lifetime Network. Random anime. I try to extend this philosophy to my other senses. I would very much like to eat a spider or a bowl full of grubs sometime. The former I consider “land lobsters”; the latter, “magic moving jellybeans of meat”.

“Must be midterm season”: I’ve been trying to get out of the house more often because I’m still carrying around some cabin fever from when I was sick last week. However, it’s hard to find a seat around here — everyone’s studying. The library is packed, all the coffee houses are taken up.

I’m productive at home but I have these frozen burritos that I like to snack on. They’re pretty addictive. I think I need a new, non-food carrot. Maybe a new shiny electronic device?..

I would drive this: The Top Gear review of the world’s smallest production car