History X

March 31st, 2008Blog0 comments

So I’m all over HBO’s John Adams like ugly on an ape; I’m a huge sucker for historical dramas like Rome and I, Claudius. I love history like a stoner loves snack foods, and I go through historical materials just as quickly. To see my favorite actors dressing up and running around high production value scenery is a real joy for me.

Some dramatic history projects I’d love to see:

Caligula — Forget the cheesy Guccione porno version. I’d like to see a real, honest treatment of Caligula, Rome-style. The guy became emperor in his early 20s, went mad (probably due to his near-death illness), and got very interesting. The theme of this series would be about tragic emptiness: About the hollowness of absolute power and the isolation of being a self-made (upon pain of death!) celebrity of the ancient world — until his assassination. Lots of great lessons here for a modern treatment.

Jefferson Davis — I’d love to see his life from top to bottom. Yes, I’m talking about the president of the CSA. He was kind of a tragic figure in a way, brought to the top by a doomed movement, imprisoned after Civil War (and ironically outliving his counterpart in the North), and then sorta left behind by history — the Internet says that he became the president of an insurance company, when he was once the president of the secession. The very last scene should be his massive funeral, which along with Lee’s also probably marked the end of the old South.

Harriet Tubman — She seriously needs the movie treatment. Why hasn’t it happened yet? Oprah could bankroll this pic with the change in her couch. An interesting fact: Harriet Tubman lived to be, like, 92 years old.

Audie Murphy — Who is Audie Murphy? He’s the most decorated American soldier EVER. When you’re playing a video game and the main character is an invincible super soldier that takes infinite bullet wounds and keeps on truckin’: That’s Audie Murphy. I don’t know too much about the guy — whether he was an aw-shucks kind of feller or a Schwartzneggarian superman — but his story’s gotta be interesting. And it’s true.