New Favorites

September 22nd, 2008Blog0 comments

My two new favorite TV shows: Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern and Destroyed in Seconds.

Bizarre Foods — there is nothing that I will not eat. Most of the foods on this show are things that I would totally eat in a second. Whenever Andrew Zimmern eats something, you can hear the crunching and slobbering his mouth makes. They either add that in with ADR or they have surgically implanted a tiny microphone in his mouth.

What I like best about this show is that it’s ALL EATING. Bourdain’s show contains filler where he rides ATVs and is almost killed. But Zimmern’s show is all about food. That’s all I care about. Bourdain may be more interesting, but Zimmern actually does more of what I want to see.

Also, Zimmern looks like the kind of guy you’d want to watch eating stuff. And I don’t mean that in some kind of homoerotic food way — I mean that he’s a perfectly designed eating machine. Kind of like how Michael Phelps has the perfect body for swimming or Ron Jeremy has the perfect dong for high-fiveing poon. Zimmern has the exact same proportions as Homer Simpson. Spherical. Ready to eat everything and anything that appears before him. A Pac-Man-like, double-hinged jaw capable of crushing the skulls of bats.

And to me, the food that he eats isn’t all that bizarre. Tripe isn’t bizarre. Pig’s blood isn’t bizarre. Deep fried fat isn’t weird. It’s fucking awesome. This show should be renamed Awesome Foods with Andrew Zimmern.

Destroyed in Seconds is a show whose title speaks for itself. It’s just thirty minutes of clips of things blowing up, falling down, and disintegrating on impact. It is only appreciable by people with testicles. It’s the kind of show that would be in Idiocracy, and I love it. On DVD, it also makes the perfect wedding present.