Save Your Canned Goods for the 2nd American Civil War

December 31st, 2008Blog0 comments

Happy New Year, America! Did you know that you will be over by 2010?

The Wall Street Journal says that a respected Russian Professor predicts that it’s coming.

The new map:

There are some fundamental flaws with this guy’s theory that illustrate a basic misunderstanding of American culture. First, Utah in a California Republic? That would be like Kenneth from 30 Rock donning buttless chaps and moving into a gay bar. Also “The Texas Republic” under the control/influence of Mexico? Yes, millions of Limbaugh dittoheads with gun racks in their F-150s will willingly go along with that.

Finally, “Alaska returns to Russia”. This event occurs in the same fantasy realm as a reboot of Red Dawn where Sarah Palin leads a new generation of Wolverines into battle while riding a fucking moose.

There’s theoretical fantasy land and then there’s the reality on the ground. I wouldn’t try to sell orange cheese in Russia because I know better. This guy needs to come down to the ranch in Crawford and see what the local thoughts are about becoming a part of Mexico. And also, Hawaii is already a part of Japan, dumbass!