Are You Sure I Should Marry This Dog?

February 19th, 2009Blog, Fiction3 comments

“You should definitely marry this dog,” he said.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I mean, I’m only asking for the sixth time just to be sure.”

“Definitely-definitely,” he said. “That growth you’ve got on your gum? That little extra snaggletooth? It means that there’s a tiger out there gunning for you.“

I felt a cold sweat forming on my face. “Really?”

“Yes really. In fact I saw one hanging out by the outskirts of the village. Looked at me like death. He was checking out my gums. For real.”

He looked at me like death too, clicking his tongue. “I wish there was another way around it,” he said. “I really do.”

“Okay,” I said, “But what if I want to get married later on to like, a human?”

He shook his head in pity. “I’m sorry. That just won’t be possible. It’s either the dog forever or you get eaten by a tiger. Like tonight.“

I paused over this. “Well, with the dog, do I have to…”

His expression leaped into disgust. “Oh god, no, man! No, of course not! Are you nuts?.. You just have to take him for a walk twice a day and bathe him once a week -”

“Him? It’s got to be a male dog?”

He shrugged; his face softened. “It’s tradition,” he said.