Say Hello to My Little Friend

June 19th, 2009Blog0 comments

My new iPhone showed up today — just like Apple had promised. So much hubbub had been made by Macheads around the country (“Will my iPhone get here on time?? What if it’s late???”) that Apple actually sent everyone a terse email that said:

To Our Valued Apple Customer:

Thank you for your recent order with Apple. Our carrier’s website may have displayed an incorrect delivery date for your order. However, we expect your iPhone order to be delivered on time on June 19, 2009.

Please stop calling us. Please stop calling our factory in Shenzen, China. Please stop calling AT&T. Please stop calling UPS and FedEx. Please stop trying to track the international flight that your iPhone might be on.

We beg you, for the love of god and all that is merciful, please stop harassing us.

Best regards, The Apple Store Team

I was headed into Ralph’s to buy some groceries when a Chinese girl bounded up to me. “ARE YOU CHINESE?” she said with a strong Chinese accent.

“No,” I said, which must have sounded very much like “Yes I am Chinese” in Mandarin because she shrieked giddy and started speaking very rapidly in words I could not understand.

It took a few moments but I managed to convince her that, no, I am not Chinese and I could not speak Mandarin. But with sign language and some words she knew in English, I figured out that she had just purchased a calling card and needed to call home. The rub: She didn’t know what the international calling code was for China.

Neither did I. But my iPhone did.

When I was a kid I really loved The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I loved the idea of a portable source of ultimate knowledge that a mortal being could refer to in times of crisis. I imagined myself turning back Vogons with Even Worse Poetry that I had sussed out from my magic device.

Now I have one. Soon everyone will have some version of this sort of device: A portable wireless interface to the Internet. It’s the next evolutionary step of the PC. Bar trivia contests are now obsolete.

The funny thing is that, despite the iPhone, I don’t feel smarter, safer, or better equipped for survival. In fact, now that I think about it, the Hitchhiker’s Guide didn’t make Arthur Dent smarter, safer, or better equipped for survival. It was pretty much just a device through which Douglas Adams could transmit his dry British wit.

And the iPhone is more or less the same sort of thing: A conduit for goofy stuff to pass the time. Episode guides for BSG. Tower Defense games. Thai Cuties. That’s all it is.

But man, what a device it is.