Sometimes the Universe Puts on a Show for You: Have you ever witnessed a really creepy pick up attempt? I just saw a great one — pretty much a case study in what not to do. It was perfectly cast and played out right in front of me.

The curtain swings open: I am sitting at one of the little tables at the UCLA bookstore doing some work. A young college girl is sitting nearby. She’s on her lunch break.

A mopey looking fellow sidles up to her: “What do you think of these glasses?”

He puts on a pair of glasses, takes them off again. Puts them on, takes them off. “Uhhh, they’re okay,” she says.

“Hi, my name is ________,” he says, sits down, shakes her hand. “So, do you work here?”

She’s wearing an ASUCLA polo shirt.

She starts texting someone. “Hey, that’s a cool phone,” he says. “What is that?”

“Uhhh, it’s a Nokia.” Long pause. “Do you get discounts?” he asks. “Yea,” she says. He fidgets. “So, are you a student here?” As soon as that question came out of his mouth, I could hear the awkwardness grinding like gears — the same sound that cherubs make when they gnash their teeth. My friend, I’ve been there before, I think, cut your losses and take off.

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” he said, and loped away. Good man.

She continues to eat. I can’t believe that I was there to witness this. It’s like standing on a street and suddenly seeing a car careen into a tree. You know that it happens out there in the world, but to have it happen right there in front of you is something different.

Big kudos to this young fellow for stepping up to the plate though. It’s a hard thing to do and it takes bollocks. I’m sure that after a while the hits will start coming.

The glasses bit definitely needs to go though.

Clean House: A good friend just turned me on to this show. Whatta show this is — a crew invades the homes of mentally ill pack rats and forces them to sell all of their tchotchkes. It’s full of quick cuts to the cast of the show saying pithy things like “This housewife is desperate… To get her house clean!” and “If he wants to keep his gator heads, he might find himself out on the curb along with them!” Snap!

The previous cast had a Liz Lemon-like lady, two metro dudes, and a blonde chick. The new cast is different — it’s lead by sassy, sassy Niecy Nash. But I do miss the Liz Lemon lady — although her strategy with getting people to give up their loot was to beg and to make deals. Niecy Nash just lets them know that they’re goddamned slobs and tells them to part with their shit.