Oh, I Can Get You a Kazoo

September 15th, 2009Blog1 comment

I needed kazoos so I started calling places in New York City that might have them.

“Hi,” I said into the phone, “Do you have kazoos?”

“Do we have kazoos!” the voice on the other end said like the president of the NRA would say “Do we have guns!” or Elvira would say “Do we have boobs!”

“I’m on my way,” I said.

So I get up to the place — it’s on the 2nd floor in a building in midtown, right off of 7th Avenue. Nondescript. I pushed open the door: It was a magic shop. Not an ordinary magic shop — no: A really, really cool magic shop.

The nice man behind the counter showed me their selection of kazoos. They had four different kinds, which was the biggest selection of kazoos I had ever seen, anywhere. Another man behind the counter said, “Hey, do you like Houdini?”

“Sure I like Houdini,” I said.

“Well in that glass case is a bunch of real Houdini stuff.”

And sure enough there was a case full of manacles and chains and escape artist incarceration devices. Also show posters and such:

And nearby was a professional magic rabbit in a cage:

Note the tiny headshot of the little guy doing his thing.

So I picked out two kazoos and took them up to the man behind the counter. “Okay, I gotta ask,” he asked, “What do you need two kazoos for?”

“Here’s why,” I said, “I just got into New Dramatists. Tonight is our New Playwrights welcome, and actors are reading snippets from our work. So my cast needs a couple of kazoos.”

“Really?” the man behind the counter said, “Congratulations, that’s quite an achievement. By the way, I’m an actor. I should get you my card. I used to be Bozo the Clown.”