I Texted U A Hamburger

October 8th, 2009Blog0 comments

Here we are, back on the radio talking about Year Zero on Chicago’s 89.5 Vocalo. This was a fun interview because Jen Shin and Sandy Shinner (are they somehow related????) joined us in the studio.

I got to talk about many nerd-related things and we had a few great laughs, so please give it a listen.

Monica kept texting me little icons of kittens and puppies. I asked her how the hell she was doing this, and she told me that she downloaded an app that enables Emoji on the iPhone. I had heard of Emoji before but had no idea they were so fun.

I texted Dave an icon of a hamburger. His response: “You just texted me a hamburger.”

I texted him an icon of some french fries to go along with the hamburger. His response: “How the he’ll are you doing that?” [sic.]

I texted him back: “An emoji app that enables them on ur phone.” I included a smiling turd.

I am texting everybody hamburgers now. This is my new favorite hobby.

And I told you this before: Were you listening? Go see The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity by my friend Kristoffer Diaz. The reviews are out and they are magnificent — beyond raves!

My friends, this play is what theater is all about: Spectacle. Edge-of-your-seat motherfuckin’ action — and you’re not going to get anything like it out of your teevee or at your local cineplex. Because this is live — you are part of it, and it explodes inside your brain, people.

Go see it, Chicago!

Big in Japan

October 7th, 2009Blog4 comments

My friend Naomi emailed me with the following message: “Must. Get. Them. All.” Plus this link: Japanese Superstar invades the USA.

This kinda blows my mind. A furry, turd-shaped mascot of a Japanese cable channel is now schilling for coffee at 7-11. How did this happen? Who made this call? Because it’s brilliant, unexpected, and a beautiful piece of kismet.

As you can see, graphic designers love Domokun. He’s easy to draw: Essentially a brown lozenge with a fixed mouth and two dots for eyes — no need to illustrate facial expressions! Plus since he’s rectangular and perfectly symmetrical, he fits onto any package design.

Why now? Why 7-11? Will his endearing Domo-videos make it over here as well? Can Domokun rock America like he did the Land of the Rising Sun? Or will America change him?

I can easily picture Domokun doing five lines of coke in 20 minutes and then beating up a hooker. I don’t want to see a Domokun perp walk on my teevee. I hope he stays grounded, keeps it real.

[More info on Domo's arrival here. Money quote from Evan Brody, marketing manager for Slurpee and Big Gulp Brands: “Domo lends itself well to the store and our proprietary products and our consumers who... love crazy Japanese shit.”]

Here’s The Frequency

October 6th, 2009Blog0 comments

Hey, here we are on WBEZ Chicago Public Radio yakking about Year Zero with the illustrious Kevin Coval.

Being on the radio is fun. Especially when you get to talk about things that you really like: Theater, storytelling, reincarnation, Star Trek, and California.

I’m finally back to a normalized sleep schedule: Asleep by midnight, awake at 7 AM. I think my body knows that my travels are over for now, so I can finally relax into my own bed and really have a go at some rest.

So here’s what’s up for the next few months: Meetings meetings meetings. Adopt a dog. I need to spend my spare time getting my apartment truly dog-friendly: Pick up all the broken glass, get rid of that open bear trap I have in my living room. Stop poisoning my own peanut butter. Also I can finally put that long list of potential dog names to good use.

My simultaneous favorite name and least-favorite name: Hounduras.

I have serious NYC fatigue, but I may have to come back again very soon. We’ll see what’s in the cards for November.

I’ve gotten really used to staying at New Dramatists. I really love it. People ask me what it’s like and I tell them that it’s like living in a library. Seriously. There’s kind of a comfy musty smell of paper. You’re living with scripts that reside downstairs in the library — plays that have been written over the last sixty years. They make excellent roommates.

This last time I was staying in the August Wilson room. There is a framed poster there from Joe Turner’s Come and Gone with Phylicia Rashad and Delroy Lindo. Whenever I stay at ND I sleep really well. You’re sorta embraced by history.

Plus if you want to see people, you can walk two blocks east and you’re in Times Square.

The Perks of Being An Artist

October 5th, 2009Blog1 comment

“Is what I’m wearing okay for tonight’s award ceremony?” I asked. I was wearing a point collared shirt from Ruehl, jeans, and casual-athletic shoes.

“You can wear whatever you want,” Emily said, “You’re an artist.”

I have very rarely been called an artist. I don’t think of myself as an artist. But I guess people have different expectations for artists. I could show up to this thing wearing a top hat made out of peanut butter. People would talk about it, but they certainly wouldn’t question it. It might even make the paper.

I could arrive with a little person strapped to my back, and not say anything and let the little person do the talking for me. I could totally do that.

But I didn’t. I’m kind of a boring artist.

“Do these glasses make me look like I know what I’m talking about?” I asked.

“Definitely,” said the sales person.

“Because I don’t wear glasses very often, but when I wear them I need to look like I know what I’m talking about.”

“Oh, you definitely do look like you know what you’re talking about.”

“Like if I said that your computer needs 216 gigabytes of RAM, you’d believe me, right?”

“Oh absolutely.”

“Because that’s bullshit. That’s just a bullshit number I just made up. No consumer computer anywhere needs 216 gigabytes of RAM. That’s not even possible.”

“Oh, you totally fooled me.”

“It was the glasses, right?.. Here, let me take them off and try it again: Hey, your computer needs 216 gigabytes of RAM.”

“Liar! You are SO lying.”

“Yep, these work. Thanks.”

“Oh, you’re welcome!”

Hey, one of my favorite plays ever opens tonight at Victory Gardens. Go see it or I’ll powerbomb ya!

Delicious Shrimp

October 3rd, 2009Blog0 comments

“Hey, the shrimp here are really, really good.” This was often said at an award ceremony on Friday, where seven other playwrights and I were given the honor of receiving Helen Merrill awards.

I met Christopher Durang and Nilo Cruz. This was a thrill and a privilege. I had studied Christopher Durang’s work as a younger man, so when I met him I started schvitzing.

The number of Pulitzer Prize winners in the house was high. And also the shrimp — the large, succulent, sweet and wonderful shrimp that was hors dourved out was awesome. It was the talk of the crowd. Jeanie said, “All you hear out there is murmur-murmur-shrimp-murmur-murmur.”

It was at the Algonquin Hotel, which is about as old school New York as it gets. This was the one time hangout of Dorothy Parker and the Algonquin round table. It is the birthplace of The New Yorker. The hotel is a friend to all writers, providing a significant rate discount if you show them a published work or a work in progress.

We saw the Algonquin Cat, who was apparently named Cat of the Year in 2006. This is a cat with her own email address. She looked at us, said “I’m done with you!” and swaggered off with her martini.

It’s been a very good year for me, but I’m trying to stay grounded and keep it real. So after the ceremony and the shrimp, I had some diner food with friend Deborah at the diner next door. I love diner food — and it’s old school NYC in its own way too.

Some of the best things I got to say in the last week:

“You are now my lawyer.”

“You guys are now my agents.“

My friend is producing a theater show here in LA. Donations are extremely appreciated.

Producing a show is very hard. I’ve been involved with a few self-produced projects, and I’ve seen a lot of my friends go through them. It’s a real labor of love, and it takes a lot of work to make something that you believe in turn into something that’s real.

So if you’ve got a few bucks lying around, why not drop it into the hopper? It’s good for you and me because it gives actors a chance to get up there and practice their craft. It gets new writers a chance to showcase their material. Actors need to be acting, writers need to be writing, and slipping this crew a couple of bucks makes those things happen.

So help make it happen!